Sunday, September 02, 2007

I was visiting African Lion Safari, a amusement park near Toronto that you drive through in your car and see wild animals, with Chris and his family. We had free passes because his sister had a summer job there.

When we were finished looking at the monkey and lions and zebras and predator birds and elephants (boring) and the macaws, we went to ye olde gift shoppes. And I saw a wonderful thing.

There was a rack of four foot long tubes, about an inch or an inch in a half in diameter each, filled with Runts (also jelly beans, but those didn't interest me).

Enormous tubes! Of candy!

There were two varieties of Runts, the classics with the strawberries and heart-shaped orange ones and bananas (v. important), but there was also a different variety that I had never seen before with watermelons and purple round ones. So I ran to get Chris and asked him which one he liked.

Chris chose the classic. I was more interested in the new varieties. So I picked up both and took his sister to the cash register with me to use her employee discount.

While in line I said to Chris's sister, "The best thing about being an adult is that if you want to buy multiple four-foot long tubes of candy, then you just go ahead and do it." I'm pretty sure that the children in line heard me--I hope that they internalized what I said and work hard to grow up and educate themselves and get a good job so that they too can buy four-foot long tubes of candy. It's nice to think that I might make a difference in the world.

Of course then it was kind of embarrassing because it isn't only children who stare at you when you are walking around with four feet of candy. Adults to do.

But everything seemed to be going well, we weren't mugged by sugar-hungry crowds, until Chris and I were almost home on the subway when a small child began to stare at Chris's candy with even more than usual ferocity. I was trying to hide my tube behind my back, but Chris isn't as nice as me. He grinned unpleasantly at the small child, shook the candy around a little, ostentatiously placed it a little further from his body and looked smug. So the kid grabbed her mother's hand, pointed, and started whispering to her.

The mother shook her head.

The child burst into tears.

The subway came and Chris went to follow them into the subway car until I pulled him into the next door down.

He, of course, didn't understand why I insisted on ruining his fun.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Last night my brother introduced my mom to text messaging. I introduced her to smilies. She thought they were really neat, but was distressed that they didn't show up as little yellow faces for my brother.

He said "I have emoticons turned off."

She said "i don't think you should turn off your emotions"

And then "not healthy"

He said "emotions and emoticons are not the same thing."

And she said "oh"

And he said "hah"

And she said "are you saying that we don't live in a mechanistic universe"




And I said "..."




And he said "damn right."

And she said "i beg to differ"

And he said "emoticons are a mechanistic manifestations of emotions"

And she said "don't turn them offfffffff"

And "think what might happen"

And he sent her a cool smilie with sunglasses.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Bread

I was at a Greek bakery north of Pape and Danforth trying to buy white bread.

So I asked the girl at the counter, "May I have some white bread, please?"

She said, "We are all out."

But I saw some behind the counter. They were poofy, round loaves with a star of flour on the top.

So I said, "Can I have one of those poofy ones?" She looked at me strangely.

So I pointed.

And she said, "Those are for the church."

So I bought sesame seed bagels instead.

But I still wonder what she meant.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I opened a pad this morning and printed on the waxed paper over the sticky part it said, "Have a nice period."

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I was at Queen's Park subway station on Thursday evening and I walked past a busker who was playing Memories on an amplified ukulele. And I thought, "Huh."

It took me a while to recognize the song.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

So last night I spent hours and hours on the Film Festival website trying to choose 5 movies so I could get my choices in today. Lots of cool stuff and I'm really looking forward to seeing the movies I ended up choosing. (There’s a movie called Bugmaster. Really! Bugmaster! I want to see it!)

Some of the movie descriptions though… ouch. Some of them make you want to click back before you’ve even figured out what the movie is about.

My biggest pet peeves:

1. Movies that say outright that nothing happens in them.

"Among her other activities, she is engaged in an ongoing war with a neighbour who always steals her parking spot, and she spends long periods watching television and listening to phone messages." Movie: A Few Days Later, Review by Dimitri Eipides

Apparently she also drives around a lot. To the same places. Over and over again.

2. Excessive use of cliché.

I have to wonder if the way this summary is written is actually deliberate. It is possible. Amazing, but possible. In which case, I would just like to send my congratulations out to the reviewer. Spectacular use of cliche.

"Duane's family knows there is a steep price to be paid for fighting the good fight. As Duane begins to see the consequences of his choices, Bingo reminds him that sometimes it's better to just keep your head down. In this family, there are no easy answers, and heroism is a double-edged sword. Movie: Citizen Duane, Review by Marguerite Pigott

I kind of want to see the movie, despite the ridiculous summary.

3. Descriptions that mean nothing, or almost nothing, or say something totally useless.

"Lee's film maintains a strong artistic identity while still delivering a genuinely moving experience destined to conquer the audience's heart. " Movie: Hula Girls, Review by Giovanna Fulvi

Really? Artistic! Identity! Moving! Conquer! Wow!!!!!

“The film builds to an explosive finale.” Movie: Red Road, Review by Dimitri Eipides

Right.


There are lots of good descriptions though too. Lines that make you desperately want to see a film.

“After a spate of missteps, he decides the only way to win Alice's affection is a spectacular victory on the show: everything will ride on his "advanced general

knowledge skills.” Movie: Starter for Ten, Review by Michèle Maheux


I really, really want EVERYTHING TO RIDE ON MY ADVANCED GENERAL KNOWLEDGE SKILLS SOMEDAY.

THE FATE OF THE WORLD HANGS ON MY KNOWLEDGE OF WHICH IS THE LARGEST BODY OF FRESH WATER IN THE WORLD, WHAT IS THE NAME OF PARIS HILTON’S ALBUM, HOW MANY COUNTRIES THERE ARE IN SOUTH AMERICA, WHAT A PLANE TREE LOOKS LIKE, WHEN DID A.S. BYATT WIN THE BOOKER PRIZE…

Actually I only know the answer to the last one. But I guess I’d better find out the others.

Happy long weekend!